Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I die, sorry about rent.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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