why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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