And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
