Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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