I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
