sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
