i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
