I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
