Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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