it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
