i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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