I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
