i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
