just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
