You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
