you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
