PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think my fart just growled at me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
