i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
