I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
