cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
