I've blown a few things in my day
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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