I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
