He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
