yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
