Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
