I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
