so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
