Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize