If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
