Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Floor bacon is actually really good
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
