I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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