I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
