There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
