ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
