I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's blow job season.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
