I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
