I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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