Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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