He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im holly from the hills drunk
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
