My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
