its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
