I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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