He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
