Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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