I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
