his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
