Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize