my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
