he puts the penis in happiness.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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