Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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