i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
