I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
