seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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