My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
