my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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