I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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