I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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