Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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