and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
