Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
