dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
