Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
