I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
ok first of all what the fuck
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
