I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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