I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
