Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
