get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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