im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize