i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
