What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
